I have a bad habit of doing this…waiting until I have WAY too much to write. But, here goes…
In the past few weeks, I’ve been into an emotional roller coaster, some of it in my own life, some of it with friends.
As much as I could say, I won’t, not on here, not right now. But I’m comforted (ok, maybe slightly disturbed) by a couple of things. First, that we’re not in middle school anymore. That means that things in life are definitely more serious, more life-changing. But at the same time, they are more life-changing. As in, in a lot of ways, it’s really beginning to hit me that…(wow, I’m realizing this as I’m typing it) all that waiting for “someday”, all that saying “well, when I’m older…” or thinking that things are so far down the road…it’s here.
All those things I was waiting for, the life I was waiting to start. I’m living it. And tonight, writing this, I feel really compelled to truly live it wide-open, being the real me, and letting others in. And I’m sometimes not very good at that.
I guess I kind of feel that I’ve reached a point of no return. I can’t go backwards, and there are issues that just can’t be avoided, so it’s not like you can go sideways. It’s time to move forward.
And oh yeah. The other thing that I’m comforted by is the fact that God is in control. If all of these things are His will, then so be it. As it says in Ecclesiastes, “worrying can’t add one hair to your head”. I’m just giving it over to God. All these feelings that have been hidden for so long, feelings that I never knew were there, and feelings that just seem to go hand in hand with realizing that that life has started.
My dear friend Angie said last night that “there’s just nothing like finding your person”. That with that person, you can accomplish so much more. That your dreams can take new flight.
Like I realized 6 months ago, it’s that hope that I’m really living in.
Father, let me not be blinded by everything in the background, or the foreground. Keep me focused on Your will. Give my dreams passion and wings in Your timing. I pray for the ability to love as You.
