For the first time in a very, very long time, I feel like I’ve finally let myself relax. While staying up too late, and staying awake instead of going back to sleep when I woke up far too early, and feeling a slight twinge of guilt for not reading a textbook, I just was.
I wrote, openly thinking through, processing, sharing some of the deepest thoughts that have come from a week of processing.
I read, savoring a book I bought last weekend, written by the lead in my favorite, and the musical that means so much to both of us. As is usually the case with a good book, I couldn’t really force myself to stop reading. But I so needed that.
Without even trying, I allowed myself to mentally disengage from the massive to-do lists always crowding my mind, and all of the details that had so thoroughly overwhelmed me earlier this week. And in doing so, I was able to, in a way, come full-circle to the situation, and be aware and at peace that things are changing, and the life I knew, which is already so different than just a year ago, or even months ago, is going to change more. But I am committed to that, committed to love, committed to building a life together.
So I sit with my coffee, freezing because I forgot to turn off the AC, and enjoy the quietness of this house. And wonder how much longer this will be my house.
And slowly, turn back to the dishes in the sink, the research to be done, and the emails to be sent. But I’m keeping this spirit of peace, of calm with me. This is now life as I know it, and that has me grinning.
